


Hidan Hates it When Saso and Dei Have Smex!

by orphan_account



Category: Naruto
Genre: Annoying People With Sex, Humor, Loud Sex, M/M, Rough Sex, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-06-01
Updated: 2008-06-01
Packaged: 2017-11-16 02:26:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/534461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>he didn't want to die from THAT kind of bang.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hidan Hates it When Saso and Dei Have Smex!

Sasori often kept Deidara up for hours during the night, showering his abs with dry, lifeless kisses and bruising his hips with hard squeezes and caresses that he couldn't feel. To Deidara, pain and death were art in its purest form, so naturally Sasori knew how to please him. Fucking him raw often went a little too far, but hey, an orgasm to Deidara was no different than eating a chocolate bar, pleasurable, but without meaning. Pain was so much more delicious, more raw, and more real.

Sometimes, though, Sasori's endless stamina brought Deidara misery. He could keep Deidara up all night, watching him squirm under his unkind touch, and sometimes he did. The first time was hot, the second was all right, and from then on it towered up the list of things that annoyed Deidara. After Sasori had thoroughly mauled him and drained him of every orgasm he'd ever needed in a lifetime, Deidara crept out of the room claiming he needed to use the bathroom, when really he was escaping. One more go would be the death of him, and he didn't want to die from THAT kind of bang.

He was dressed in nothing more than a knee-high skimpy bathrobe, and planned to crash in the main room where he could have some peace and sleep. Of course, that's what he thought until he noticed the lights on were downstairs. Curious, he crept down upon a game of cards between Kisame, Konan, Kakuzu, and Tobi. Itachi was there, too, but he was blind so he couldn't really play cards. According to Jashin, Hidan's opponents were supposed to be brutally killed after losing a game to him, but because Leader-sama refused to let him kill his teammates, Hidan refused to play. He went against his religion enough on missions where he couldn't murder everyone ever anyway.

"Well, look who it is! The fuckin' screamer's finally done keeping us all awake," said Hidan, slamming his fist against the table. Everyone who had a full glass of beer now didn't. They may have thought to direct their anger at Deidara initially, but when Konan, Kisame, and Kakuzu were all wringing freshly spilled beer out of their cloaks, they forgot why they were all awake at 2AM in the first place.

That was, until Deidara began to rant.

"It's not my fault, un! He has unlimited stamina, he could keep me up for days if he wanted to! And he knows all the best spots to pinch and smack me," said Deidara, stating that last one with pride as Hidan's face sunk into a pale green color. He liked where this was going, but alas, anger washed over him again when he nearly tripped over absolutely nothing in his exhaustion. Everyone laughed at his dismay, so Deidara continued to rant. "Danna's a fucking sex maniac!" Pun intended. "My whole body hurts, my balls are killing me, un! And you're all complaining about never getting any sleep?!"

"Hidan was the only one complaining," said Konan, one of the only two completely unfazed about Deidara's little open rant there. In fact, though her expression was as passive as it always was, something in her eyes lead him to believe that she wanted him to continue. Itachi had nothing to say or feel about any of this, which would lead one to believe that he'd fallen asleep behind those blank, albeit wide open red eyes that Deidara so hated. Tobi covered his ears and "La la la"-ed through the whole thing. The others were looking a bit green, except for Kisame. He was turning purple. Huh, wonder what that means...

"THAT'S IT, I'm going to bed. Fuck you, Deidara. Actually, no. Do us all a favor and at least gag yourself next time you have sex," said Hidan, purposely slamming his shoulder against Deidara's on the way up the stairs. "And I mean all three of your mouths!"

"How do you know I only have three, un?" said Deidara, and that about did Hidan in. Without a word, Kakuzu followed Hidan and refused to even look at or acknowledge Deidara after that less than graceful display. Tobi had long since run away, a Zetsu who had come quite literally out of nowhere on tow, not wanting to taint his brain with unnecessaries. Normally Kisame would guide Itachi (who apparently was awake through the whole thing) through the halls, but really didn't want to touch the other man right now. Konan was slow preparing to leave, probably hoping Deidara would say more. Great, Leader-sama's girlfriend was a closet perverted fag hag. Wouldn't he just love to know that?

She said nothing as she left, and for that Deidara was glad. All he wanted to do was snuggle up on the couch and go to sleep. It was only a few more hours until sunrise.

"It takes you that long to pee, Deidara?" said Sasori, just before Deidara could turn out the light.

Great. Just great.

THE END


End file.
